Tumawag ka na sa taas...

January 22, 2008. its my second duty in perez this finals. and i must say its been great. toxic pasyente ko pero hindi ko naramdaman dahil magaling ang CI ko...(sana mabasa ni mam.hehe) i dont usually talk and give therapeutic touch to patients because its a bit artificial. peo this time, i can tell she needed it.

she is soft and very endearing woman. she is recently comatosed and last night her body is cyanotic. the doctor was also shocked about what happened last night, and told the relatives "tawag na kau sa taas". the doctor instructed me do not let any visitors come that can change her emotions. strict bed rest and rest and sleep is a must. multiple drugs administered (almost 18) and Intravenous infusions.

i stayed on her... checking her vital signs every 30 mins and smiled at her the whole day. she said that when her vital signs is not stable, she feels chest tightness... "ok po. pls po wag po kau mag alala kasi makakasama po sainyo yan. tulungan nyo po ang sarili ninyong gumaling... magpahinga nalang po kau nay". she is a bit disoriented, wakes up asking us the same questions that we already answered.

its sad that my duty in perez ended. "nay salamat po. magpagaling po kau at balitaan nyo po ako sa inyong kalagayan" she smiled at me and hold my hands so tight and gives me her thanks.

in many nurses today they can say my experience with the patient is nothing compared to theirs but its my first therapeutic talk and im glad i no longer see it artificial... its all about them. they are our job and there nuisance is our priorty. we save lives and we touch them. its not about academics... its about life.

Write Where It Hurts

this is the start of my freedom! no more sister who bugs me 24/7, no schedule of use of the net, no sister to nag me in everything i do in the house... this is life... and the side effect? i cant share arguments with my parents to my sister,,, and worst the silence is deafening... im alone.

she is in cebu with my cousins there.. and my younger sis is in the regionals for cla-a.swimming competition...

wow...and here i am stuck in this room... bored.

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im so pissed sa jeep kanina...

im with 2 perverts staring to a girl's exposed cleavage... the guy is telling his friend the girl's sexy outfit and when the other guy stared the girl he said "hindi naman eh" (it means that the girl is not beautiful) and ang sabi ng lalaking naglalaway "bulag ka lang ata ehh..." gustong gusto ko ng tumalon ng jeep dahil sa kasalaulaan ng dalawang lalaki... at kapag nakita nyo talaga ang mata ng manyakis na un... ha ha hays.... nakakabaliktad ng sikmura.

but before that, 2 old pervs again *diff guys naman, stucked in my path waiting for a jeep to pass by, staring to a korean girl who is showing some skin off.. loose pants with straps top and her belly is showin. the stare and what their saying is unbearable...disgusting.

bias or not bias... girls are provoking them not to be nice... so siguro at some point, meron ding mali ung mga babae....

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i enjoyed the discussion in matabolism, by Sir Valerio... i cant stop laughing. he is very funny and he really good with the lecture. sure enjoyed it, and my sleeping meter that time is 37% unlike with the others 89% bored meter... whew. retdem again tomorrow ok im off seeyah again..

There have to be clouds for there to be silver linings

so many things to do.. but so short time. im having a return demonstration today at exactly 4pm but it is cancelled due to the occassion. its valentines day and its not about my blog. i just thank its valentines not bec. of the romantic ambiance and everythin, its with the fact that they have to cancel some sched just to celebrate the occassion. humans...

now the impending danger. now i have a backlag... and they will rush me later to make their record book complete... rotten system it is.

its good thing to be at home. especially if your broke. and you have several things to do... and ended the day unaccomplished.

ive broke a promise. now its tearing me apart. beer is really not bad... it has many LDL and tryglycerides but it can be exreted thru the kidney. (lame excuse)

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My mind has been the most discontented and restless one that ever was put into a body too small for it. I never felt my mind repose upon anything with complete and undistracted enjoyment- upon no person but you. When you are in the room my thoughts never fly out the window: you always concentrate my whole senses... oh no. im doing it again. im searchin you. im searching for love.. you really inspire me to extract every detail i had in mind. shameless and naive... im guilty with every feeling i have towards you. its eerie i suppose but it really satify my thirst for something that is nothing...(does it make sense? hehehe)

nagisip ng konti... may nahita... may nawala, inisip hindi na makita.
ang tagal naman maligo ni mama... i dont use my bathroom in my room anymore, i hate cleaning it so i used my moms and sis'

now im drained out of thoughts because im sleepy and my brain is cloudy, precipitated, illuminated, inscruciated(wat does that mean?!) anyway im blurd... this whole blog will waste your time....

Right on the corner bar stool. he would slip in when I wasn't looking and ask me to play the same song over again everytime he came in. Strange lilting tune, and then he would smile. Ohh what a smile, so sad...... so beautiful...

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just another wasted love song

had you guess the feeling that i contained?

i had to make myself this depressed to make my blog about it. it sucks bigtym because no one called at my house to ask if im ok... texted me to inform that we have to pass our draft and worst doing all day some nonsense surf in the net and ended up getting late the next morning... (i slept 3am)

just having a couple googles in the net, i saw something sad. its a statement probably for me. it saddens me to see that in his shoutout because he used to be so sweet and ending up bein so cold and mean...

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he used to be my friend and sweetheart but look at him. he is a cold hearted person. it stained him definitely. he is a well centered egotistic guy.

i hope youll realize that i am talkin to you.

hope that youll txt me once more to clear some things up that confused me.. i cant keep in touch with you because of your lame excuse... ( i always knew ) i just want to say sorry and you can forgive me then leave. that's the nicest thing to do to move on with our lives.

"That time of my life is burned into my memory, and it keeps coming back to me. Forwards towards the light..."

Its a bit weird this passed weeks, memories with him still lingers on me...

it shouldn't be. im trying to make it simple as much as possible. my life my studies, the way i handle my problems.. but why am i searchin for trouble? why cant i just forget about him? forget him for good. im happy in my love ryt now,, no worries... but why i still dont see any complete figure of it? why cant i not draw it..?

he is my complete self awareness of me... like floating in my nerves that makes me shiver... he doesnt talk to me in my middle yrs in highschool.. i dont even saw his eyes staring at me like he's in love... but why...bakit pa? bakit kelangan pa nyang sabihin un? i missed him for a long time and still not even a good conversation... not even a minute.

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now im stuck here with astounding emotions inside me. it bothers me... but still i like the complete experience... im still waiting.

we are both stuck in one place.. and no one dares to move.. our endless wait will make us weak and tired...

ill just enjoy people beside me.. who makes me happy and who never leave me... (names are fictional taken in honey and clover series) my Hanamoto... u are always my first choice... but still my morita will be here in my heart. ill watch you. However, if you don't realize that by now, then you'd better leave... but i guess you already left.

Is something that will disappear the same as something never existed?

like clouds i cant touch.. but i can see... i know your truly soft, yet i cant even touch you.

Ill watch you forever.

but when i thought about pulling myself together and seeing him again...that i want to create something knew and show it to him. that is when...

i thought i saw a light in front of me.

at the crossroads where we split ways.